*Jesus emerges from tomb*
Wow was that 3 days? Holy cow. I was marathoning The Wire. You guys seen this?
ME: did I remember to take my antidepressants this morning?
BRAIN: does it matter? Does anything matter? Aren’t we all just insignificant threads in the tapestry of life
ME: …so that’s a no
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People who write “loosing” when they mean “losing” need to get loost.
With my pasty white skin, ample curves, & hatred of manual labor, I would have dominated the 16th century.
Townspeople: [shaking pitchforks at me] BURN THE WITCH
Me: lmao go ahead I can take it
Townspeople: you have a dumb face
Me: [tearing up] ok I was wrong I can’t take it
Six words that strike fear in the hearts of parents everywhere:
You’ve been volunteered as a chaperone
MTV stopped having their “Unplugged” specials because the shitty artists we have now can’t play any instruments.
The Force can make you lift a spaceship out of the swamp, but proper sentence structure teaching, it can not.
The worst part about getting kidnapped would be when the news told everyone your real height and weight.
I will never tire of sending random messages like this to random numbers
The baby in the car next to me is either unable to control his arms or hes throwing me gang signs. Im not taking any chances.