Cleavage is the original Jedi Mind Trick.
ME: did I remember to take my antidepressants this morning?
BRAIN: does it matter? Does anything matter? Aren’t we all just insignificant threads in the tapestry of life
ME: …so that’s a no
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ME: We should totally go Dutch.
HIM: I wasn’t raised that way.
ME: *sadly looking at my wooden shoes* Okay.
My 3 year old is helping me make crepes this morning. So far in the mixing bowl there are 2 eggs, 1 cup of flour and 1 measuring cup.
Yes I have exams.
No, I’m not easily distracted.
Yes, my shadow is interesting.
Pro tip: Never explain to your wife that it’s the washer and dryer that actually does the laundry.
5YO: did you go to camp as a kid?
GRANDMA: we were very lucky, we escaped France thru Great Britain
ME: she didn’t go to camp
Hub: When was your first kiss
Me: July 4th 1978 I kissed Brent under the fireworks
Hub: Didn’t you have a frog named Brent
Me: I hate you
i hate when you google stuff like ‘insidious’ it gives you the definition but when you google ‘butt’ it doesn’t. define butt for me damn it
Everything brightened up when you came into our presence.
– Food in my refrigerator.