Not now kids. Mom is racing her rubber duckies in the bathtub and this time I really think Javier is going to win.
ME: Diligently sanitizing countertops, faucets, door knobs, light switches, remote controls, phones, hands,
ALSO ME: Eating a piece of a Kit Kat I dropped on the floor because wasting chocolate? In these times?
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Rose: Paint me like your French girls.
Jack: With armpit hair?
I just panic bought 7 gallons of wolf urine and I’m not even sorry.
My pet rock is grounded for throwing itself at my ex’s car window
Every teen trick-or-treating tonight got a handful of candy and a, “You must be heartbroken. I can’t believe Justin Bieber died so young!”
me: oh boy I stained your shirt don’t kill me
murderer: haha yeah that would be an overreaction
The problem of guns in schools would be eliminated if society finally had the courage to outlaw schools.
I want to be the guy in a rap song that justs says YEA
nah this out of line.
You say “tomato”, I say “flamingo”. I also put goldfish in my armpits. My opinion should be ignored.