me: dinosaurs can’t talk

her: how do u know

me: they’re all dead, barb

You Might Also Like


I’ve lost my sense of taste! Do I have the CODIV!! Oh, wait, this is a Coors Light.


When it comes to sex, I really need to have a connection.

Otherwise the page just keeps buffering and it takes FOREVER to load.


You want a puppy? … correct me if I’m wrong, but didn’t you kill an artificial plant last year.

Annnnd that’s how the fight started.


Just when you think your teen is actually invested in what you’re saying and engaged, you realize there’s a mirror behind you and she’s just practicing her TikTok faces.


The only reason there’s a market for hammers is not because they go bad but because they grow legs and walk away.


Team SnapChat: Merry Christmas!

Me (tear rolling down my cheek): they remembered