me: do you sell ducks?
him: yes, but they’re going quick
me: ok i’ll take one
me: i see
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COP: So you play the tuba do ya?
“No, the violin”
COP: Treble maker eh?
is the passenger seat also heated?
“Aww for ur wife?”
*imagines putting a fast food bag on warm seat after the drive-thru*
Maybe stop asking 20yo beauty queens how to solve problems the government hasn’t even been able to figure out in 200 years?
A manual RT is like saying “Hey check out this guy, but keep looking at my face. Please…don’t ever stop looking at my face…”
Trainer: You here to get cut?
Me: Uhh no, I’m already circumcised and if that’s covered under my membership, I want a reduced bill
Lunchables™? huge waste of money! I have my kids mill their own wheat then hunt, kill & field strip a wild bologna
OMG THIS ACTUALLY WORKS!!!
1): Hold your breath for 5 minutes
I wanted to be Batman when I was a kid. So I kept leading my parents into dark alleys in the bad part of town.
Scotland……because even the Romans needed to meet a group of people that made them say “Nah…just build a wall and keep an eye on em”