Me: So what do you do?
Her: I’m a customer service representative.
Me: Cool. Our date is important to me. Please hold. I’ll be back in an hour.
me: do you sell ducks?
him: yes, but they’re going quick
me: ok i’ll take one
me: i see
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Boss: Can I have a word?
Boss: No, I want a word with YOU
If you let an idiot convince you that he’s the smartest man in the world…
Maybe he’s not the only idiot.
Note to self: “rubber” in the US does NOT mean “eraser”. Bright side: my popularity in this office is at an all time high!
Send prayers. Laura on Facebook didn’t realize she was out of syrup until AFTER the pancakes were made! It’s causing quite a stir…
Wake Me Up Before You YOLO. #RuinAn80sSong
Doctor: You need to cut out orange juice in the morning.
Me: Because of all the sugar?
D: No, because of all the champagne.
It’s oddly fitting that most Americans celebrate Presidents’ Day by taking the day off and not doing the job they were hired to do.
Home Alone would’ve been over in like 20 minutes if they were able to text.
*changes the spelling of ‘team’ to ‘teaim’*
Well that’s one problem everyone talks about fixed.