@Beagz

Me ending every email:

THanks!

THanks{backspace}

THank{backspace}

THan{backspace}

THa{backspace}

TH{backspace}

Thanks!

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@sonictyrant

“Now that i’ve completed my teleportation device, the world and its wonders are mine to behold”

*Teleports to the nearest taco bell*

@JoParkerBear

Donald Trump is probably the closest we’ll ever get to electing Eric Cartman president.

@Jake_Vig

HER: I don’t know what you’d do without me.

ME:

HER: Please stop imagining all those things.

ME: Ok.

@KieranSoFar

me: I’m going to kill the moon

dude: the moon is flat

me: I’m going to kill the moon and flat-mooners

@praisecheese

If you feel the need to throw American cheese at something, aim for the trash.

@neiltyson

Curious that it’s always a female computer voice that calmly announces self-destruct sequences and other violent disasters.

@NintenDom

Sorry about all the Mario references. I didn’t mean to one-up you. I’ll pipe down.