me: hey man you ready to go?
goku: hold on I gotta charge my phone
me: almost done?
me: son of a-
[On the next episode of…]
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Please stop giving your dogs human names. My sons Buster & Lucky are getting pretty sensitive about this!
I’m under the weather today, also so is everyone else, that’s how weather works.
If the opposite of impossible is Possible & the opposite of immature is Mature, you can conclude that i’m a very Portant person to some.
me: if u drink this coffee ur gonna get jittery and anxious and ur gonna feel sick later
my brain: good bean juice taste like chocolate make me think fast
Alice: I’m late.
White Rabbit: Haha, that’s my line
White Rabbit: oh shit
People who have ‘taken’ in their bio, sit tight, Liam Neeson will around to collect you shortly
[taco bell 2am]
me: “nine cheesy crunchy chupacabras”
I was having a drink of coffee and didn’t see the pothole in the road, so that’s on me.