“Predators are essential for a healthy ecosystem,” I explained as I released a bobcat into the airduct
Me: Honey, where do we keep those legally binding documents our marriage is based on?
Her: You mean the mortgage papers?
Me: Yep those ones
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Geppetto: Whew it’s a cold one.
G: Fire’s running low.
G: Wonder *sharpens axe* where I could get some wood.
I played dead in the living room to see how my 2yo would respond.
He climbed on my “corpse” for 5 minutes then turned on the tv.
My 5yr old eats chicken wings with the precision of a hitman cleaning his rifle.
BOSS: Describe yourself
ME: Can’t you see me?
cop: the perp was found with red paint on his fingers, so i guess you could say he was caught.. *looks at camera* why is there a camera here
*lays in bed for 12 hours
I guess I’ll get up now
*walks over to couch & lays down
Fun Date Idea: Find a balloon, forget about the date, you have a balloon now.
You’re like that person playing Pictionary who draws something terribly and just keeps circling it.