BOB THE BEER DROPPER: I make the worst decisions
ME: hold my beer
Me: Hope it’s ok if I sleep in the nude
Guy next to me on the plane: WTF dude?
You Might Also Like
My doctor thinks I’m hot. He said “fever” but I’ll take it.
FACT: Uma Thurman is the only person to ever have been named by someone with a mouthful of food.
eating a straw so the turtles don’t have to
I’m worried that I’m gonna get a super judgey coroner.
[Lois & Superman’s first date]
Superman: You look beautiful, Loren.
Lois: What? Who’s Loren?!
*Superman flies around the earth and reverses time*
Superman: You look beautiful, Lois.
“Arise! Arise! Foul creatures, I command that you arise! ARISE!”
“Dad, just once, couldn’t you let mom or the alarm clock wake us?”
I sleep with a knife under my bed in case I can’t open my midnight snacks.
It also comes in handy if people try to steal them.
Tried arguing on the internet today.
Wouldn’t recommend it.
0 out of 5 stars.
*stood on Eiffel tower watching a beautiful sunset*
*Gets down on one knee*
Help my knee is made of magnets