@mela_shea

Me: I can’t wait until my kid is grown up and independant.

Also me, an adult: Hi mom. What’s my dentist’s name again?

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@kissmefreedom

Buzzfeed writer wanted. Must love current events, pop culture and have a Bachelor’s degree and a history of head injuries.

@ch000ch

You ever been talking to someone and go to lean on a wall that’s like 3 inches further away than you thought

@zachreinert03

I’m getting a restraining order against my debt collectors. As much as they call me it’s really just starting to come across as desperate

@TheRealPalMal

Can’t make an omelette without breaking into my neighbor’s chicken coop.

@kumailn

My Game Of Thrones review: Even my cat is a mess.

@AnOrangeSNES

*Buys a bunch of wooden letters*

Cashier: Feeling crafty?
Me: Nope, just trying to make a name for myself.

@Papa_Mex

I’m an ‘adult’, so why do I dance a little and look around nervously when I find a $20 bill in my jeans I didn’t know was there…

@ellentee

You bring home one goat and suddenly you’re not allowed to go to the farmers market unsupervised anymore.