Me: I can’t wait until my kid is grown up and independant.

Also me, an adult: Hi mom. What’s my dentist’s name again?

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Buzzfeed writer wanted. Must love current events, pop culture and have a Bachelor’s degree and a history of head injuries.


You ever been talking to someone and go to lean on a wall that’s like 3 inches further away than you thought


I’m getting a restraining order against my debt collectors. As much as they call me it’s really just starting to come across as desperate


Can’t make an omelette without breaking into my neighbor’s chicken coop.


My Game Of Thrones review: Even my cat is a mess.


*Buys a bunch of wooden letters*

Cashier: Feeling crafty?
Me: Nope, just trying to make a name for myself.


I’m an ‘adult’, so why do I dance a little and look around nervously when I find a $20 bill in my jeans I didn’t know was there…


You bring home one goat and suddenly you’re not allowed to go to the farmers market unsupervised anymore.