Them: are you sad because you eat or do you eat because you’re sad?
Me: *takes long, slow drag of egg roll* look kid…
Me: I consider myself a pretty easygoing guy
Also me: *gets angry about the size of box amazon uses*
You Might Also Like
I’ve always taught my children that no matter what race or religion, all good looking people deserve respect.
CRUELLA DE VIL: you’re just giving away all of these coats for free?
SHELTER CLERK: yeah we call them rescues though
Interviewer: have you ever made, eaten or even seen a sandwich?
Interviewer: you’re hired welcome to Subway
“Wanna hear a joke?”
“What’s the difference between a toilet and a fridge?”
“I don’t know,”
All I need to know about you is defined by whether you ask for a cup or a cone when ordering ice cream
Her: I don’t recognize you’re accent.
Me: *swallows* It’s donut.
friend: i just had an edible
me: you can just say food
Got my son to paint our fence by telling him it was his first karate class.