@ellewasamistake

me: i feel like you only want me for my body :/

the demonic spirit possessing me: no elle, why would you think that?

You Might Also Like

@Parkerlawyer

My teenage son just took out the trash without being asked.

Should I be alarmed?

This. Is. Not. A. Drill.

@electrolemon

why did double and triple dog dares go of out style. it’s win-win. you either see your friends do stupid things or you win two to three dogs

@david8hughes

[phone rings]
Mum: your grandad isn’t well. I’m afraid he’s on his deathbed
Me: well tell him to get in a different bed then

@sock_holliday

When I say books rule you say shhhh

Librarian:…

Me: BOOKS RULE

Librarian: SHHHH!

Me: BOOKS RULE

Librarian: SHHHH!

Me: awwww yeaaaah

@dxblarssonENG

It’s weird how all the UFOs started disappearing once our cameras got better.

@MomofTeen

Customer Service: How does the name appear on your credit card?

Me: If i had to guess, I’d say it’s 11 pt. Arial bold.

@laurenreeves

I’m planning to adopt a dog soon, it wasn’t my first choice but my doctor told me I can’t have any biologically.

@Darlainky

I lost a contact at the gym and while I was searching for it people started gathering around and long story short I teach yoga now.