Loneliness can make you do some strange people.
Me: I have to lose weight.
Me: I’m gonna exercise everyday.
Me: I’m gonna go on a diet, eat healthy and hit the gym.
Me: Is that cake?
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Searched my teens room for drugs, was told “you don’t give me enough money for drugs.” I don’t know whether to be proud or up his allowance.
“I don’t need more than 4 hours of sleep” I say proudly while spooning dish washer detergent into my coffee.
I was working in the yard.
Out of the corner of my eye I saw a snake.
I hit it with a shovel.
I’m happy to report the garden hose is dead
If I ever have a baby, I hope it’s a puppy.
Two sales people approached me at the furniture store. I’m following the one who called me Miss. The Hello Ma’am one should take note.
Text from husband: Where are you at?
Me: Before I tell you let’s talk about ending sentences with prepositions.
Ain’t no sunshine when she’s gone, but there sure are a lot of unauthorized charges on the credit card.
I love the meaningful conversations I have with my son.
“YOU BETTER DIE IN YOUR FORTNITE GAME BECAUSE DINNER IS READY IN 5 MINUTES!”