When I was 15 I forgot to do my math homework so I ripped the pages I was supposed to do out of my textbook and told my teacher I couldn’t do it bc the pages were missing and tbh that’s still how I try to solve most of my problems as an adult
ME: i love you
HER: i love you too
ME: …ok wow i put my heart on the line and you’re telling me your favorite band
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I act like Pacman at parties.
I walk around the room eating everything in site and avoiding everyone.
I don’t care how old I am, the first thing I’ll always do when I get to my parent’s house is checking out what’s in the fridge.
*pounds fist twice on chest*
*kisses two fingers*
*throws peace sign & nods head at DJ*
I don’t know what I just did, but we should leave.
If someone is whistling they:
1. Just killed someone
2. Are on their way to kill someone
3. Are plotting to kill someone
Prank: if you’re standing at a busy intersection light beside a guy staring at his phone take 2 steps forward & see if he walks into traffic
Adulthood is just constantly trying to get rid of a faint headache
Tonight I wanna stay at home and watch a movie with my boyfriend.
Can someone recommend a good boyfriend?
Hey girl, are you bacteria? Because I know I need you but I have no idea why.
You look like a snack:
-not specific enough
-not enough affectionate noises
You look like a moose:
-a very cute moose
-make all the boy moose go HWAAAAH