This haunted house sucks. It’s just people sitting in cubicles under fluorescent lights looking sad.
Wait, this is real life? NOOOOOOOOOO!
Me: “I mean, how can Harry Potter be the best Quidditch Seeker when he’s the only one with glasses?”
Librarian: “Just pay your fine, Ma’am.”
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I pry open the crab shell but instead of sweet crabmeat I find a tiny, bustling city filled with people who have my face. It tastes terrible
Will is weary of fame
Will runs away to the woods
Will dons a loincloth
Will eats bugs & berries
Will befriends a bear
Tuba = Terrible Underwater Breathing Apparatus
Jealous of how pineapples always have cool hair.
“y2k” making us anxious
“k” making us anxious
If my mom had her own music genre it would be heavy meddle.
Sorry I have been gone for the last two days, my son had a quick story to tell me
Maternal instincts are incredible. For example, now that I’m a mom, I automatically start salivating if someone uncorks a bottle of wine within a half mile radius of my location.
My yoga teacher was sent to prison for fraud.
He’s doing a 3 year stretch.