He wants my carcasses apparently.
I think autocorrect won that round.
Me: If you become a lawyer, I’ll disinherit you
16: From what?
Me: …well played
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In honour of Agatha Christie, turn off all the lights and kill one of your work colleagues.
Abraham Lincoln is in a cent until proven guilty.
Cheaper than online shopping and less horrible than online dating.
HIM: somebody should probably do the dishes
ME: *drinking wine out of a bowling trophy* agree to disagree
Him: I know your secret
Me:*nervously sweating, remembering my Netflix history* Yeah?
H: You killed someone
M: *relieved* Oh, haha. Yep
Me: I got a new car!
Him: What kind of mileage does it get? What’s the horsepower? How long is the powertrain warranty?
Me: It’s red.
The person that was in charge of naming Ohio must have thought of it when they realized someone was waving at the person behind them.
I found out why I’m still single. Apparently, you have to go outside and let people see you.