*hears Siren’s song*
*walks in a trance ten miles*
*breaks window to donut shop*
I’m here, Mistress.
Me: I’m terrified of aging rock bands
Therapist: You too?
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Some people bite their tongue, I have to bite my fingers to keep from replying to some stupid reply.
I’m terrible with names…
…just ask my daughter Barry
i got 99 problems and being upside down ain’t one
ok wait i got 66 problems
Me: BABE HAVE YOU SEEN MY..
M: How did you..
W:*reads note* Dear sober me, fridge.
It’s ok. I killed the oregano flake on the counter.
The salon where my wife is getting her hair cut has a copy of Playboy on the magazine table. I feel like this is test.
Me: I would literally die for my friends, I love them so much
Therapist: but what about you? Do you love yourself enough to d-
Me: oh I would die for myself too
Me: what should I do?
Dentist: stop eating sugar, drinking coffee and wine, cut back on stress..
Me: right but like realistically