@fro_vo

ME: it’s 69 degrees in france
FRIEND: nice
ME: no paris

You Might Also Like

@johnfreiler

my friend’s apartment building burned down so he’s at his parents’ and he still won’t hang out with me. HOW MANY MORE FIRES DO I NEED TO SET

@AimeeHelene1

Geez, I’m so sorry…I’m not normally ticklish.

(me to the nail lady I just kicked in the face during my pedicure)

@Ristolable

For sale: car. Does not stop. You will have to jump in as I jump out. I have been driving this car for three years. Please help me

@mishakey

If you stop at a yellow light I’m going to assume you have something illegal in your car.

@MamaHuntsBest

IDGAF if you’re black, white, yellow, brown or blue.

Well, I do if you’re blue, I’ll stop and give you CPR if you’re blue.

@Brampersandon_

*catches son swearing through sign language*
“We don’t use that language in this house”
*hands him hand sanitizer*
“You know what to do”

@dvidsilva

It was obvious from the camera angle it was AMC killing it’s viewers. #TWDfinale

@ashmensch

*steps on Lego*

*stumbles backwards and trips over more Legos*

*throws all Legos away*

*Grandparents buy more Legos for Christmas*

@SortaBad

“President Clinton, can you respond to rumors of renewed infidelity?”

The only woman in my life is my darling *squints at notecard* Hitlery

@alexisthenedd

horses don’t know when they’re acting in a period drama. they just woke up one day and all their friends showed up in stupid outfits.