Spiderman: Can I be in The Avengers now?
Captain America: Um sure.
Spiderman: What should I do?
Iron Man: You’re in charge of web design.
Me: It’s late. I guess I’ll go to bed.
-My brain, who up until now has always been the logical one “Let’s put up a tent in the living room”
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One thing I’m good at is making grocery lists.They are some great damn lists.They don’t come to the store with me. But they are sweet lists.
The idea that someone would be upset NOT to be invited to a wedding is so confusing to me.
Parenting a 3yo is basically a series of non stop negotiations.
Me: We have to leave the playground so we can do two more things.
3yo: no five more things!
Me: no, one more thing.
3yo: yay one more thing!
Bless their stupid little hearts.
just gonna leave this here
Me: *chopping onions*
Her: Why are you crying?
Me: I used to have a pet onion when I was a kid
Suggested movie theater prices: Adults – $9.00, Under 12 – $ 6.00, Under 3 – $249.00
“Welcome to another meeting of Horse Club. Let’s try to actually get something done today. All in favor?”
Bring them an olive branch to show you can forgive but then beat them with it so they know you won’t tolerate their brand of bullshit.
Me redecorating every room in my mind