People: cheer up, things could be worse
Anxiety: and here are some detailed scenarios how
Me: It’s late. I guess I’ll go to bed.
-My brain, who up until now has always been the logical one “Let’s put up a tent in the living room”
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Achieve the “smokey eye” look by setting your head on fire.
[two atoms side-to-side on a DNA chain]
“Hi. U look familiar. Were u on A3564? before it went supernova?”
“U still owe me $20.”
what the signs deserve in 2019:
Leo: okay now
Virgo: that they’ve
Libra: stopped reading
Scorpio: i think
Sagittarius: animal crossing
Capricorn: for switch
Aquarius: might have
Pisces: pigeons as townspeople
My tombstone will say, “She was a people pleaser most of her life until one day she snapped and had to be taken out by the national guard.”
Your Joke Is Factually Incorrect – A Guide to Dying Alone.
Cashier’s playing dumb cause I said “venti” at a non-Starbucks. You know what I mean, dude, just point me to the biggest dildo you guys got.
Black ice is just like regular ice…
Except it’s a better dancer…
Ate Frosted Mini Wheats this morning, pooped a mini patio set this evening.
Always remember the first move in every fight…punch to the balls.