BARNES: “What if it wasn’t just empty cabinets?”
NOBLE: “Let’s sell books!”
AND: “This is why we make such a great team.”
me: I’ve finally reached the tipping point
waitress: oh thank god!
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*accidentally walks into lion’s den
*goes back to party in lion’s living room
noah: two of every single species on earth
noah: and a boat to fit them all
noah: and people will ridicule me the whole time
noah: and all my friends are going to die
noah: but like the world will be good after that right
god: i mean
Whenever I wake up with a scratchy throat I pray to god that I just ate a spider and I’m not actually sick
British people react to the @BBC posting baseball content on twitter… 😭
Sorry the edible underwear weren’t edible anymore by the time you tried to eat them. It was a long drive to your apartment.
R.I.P. Wile E. Coyote
Sweeping a woman off her feet is easy if you know karate
GF: “You’re cute when you’re drunk”
Me: “You’re cute when I’m drunk too”
If you’re stupid enough to start a massive fire with a “gender reveal” explosion, you should name the child Arson.