Me: Make me look more rugged & manly, but on a budget
Plastic Surgeon: *gives me a roundhouse to the face*
Me: *spitting teeth out* perfect

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There are rumours floating around that Canada’s Prime Minister isn’t a nice guy.

They’re not Trudeau.


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Nancy Drew and the mystery of the seven minute stroller nap delaying bedtime by two hours


a 3-way standoff between a duck with a laser pointer, a cat with a vacuum cleaner, and a dog with a loaf of bread


I hate people who are like “drunk words are sober thoughts”.

Drunk me has called 911 because she was “dying from lack of attention”, she can’t be trusted


My mom doesn’t understand that powdered donuts are eaten over cd cases while in cars, and my friends love donuts, and that’s why. (Not blow)


Don’t call me a party animal then get upset that I pooped on your carpet.