Me: Mom’s recovery from from hip replacement is going well. She’s getting smurfy on her feet.
Friend: LOL! Smurfy? You mean sturdy, right?
Me: The big white shoes and blue legs are a bit weird but she’s adapting.
![]()
You Might Also Like
Omg what if Nate was short for Nathryn
Been feeling a little moody and run down lately, so I googled my symptoms to see what I might have.
It鈥檚 kids. I have kids.
Why bother drinking water? You’re just gonna pee it out. This is what Big Water doesn’t want you to know.
[extreme Judas Priest voice]
馃幎 WASHING THE HANDS
WASHING THE HANDS 馃幎
Pancakes are just crepes who let themselves go after college.
my propensity for dark humor brings all the boys to the graveyard
My bra as colander, catching stray food since age 15.
There is no such thing as an antique car. An antique car is a horse.
Two princes?
I鈥檒l take the one that wants to buy me rockets.
Hell hath no fury like a toddler who wanted his peanut butter and jelly sandwich cut into triangles until you cut it into triangles
Today, a man looked me right in the face & said “You’re not hot!”
Actually it was a cop &he said “Here’s your ticket. Have a nice evening.”
My million dollar invention is a microwave that stops beeping when you yell, “I hear you!” from across the house.
People keep telling me I behave like a man so I’m currently working up the courage to tell my husband he’s gay.
It鈥檚 at times like this we need to be good to ourselves:
Catch up on some sleep.
Eat your favorite foods.
Watch that boxset you鈥檝e been putting off.
Let your kid have a beer for breakfast.
Make your dog some armor.
mechanic: the replacement part is gonna cost $1200
me: *did research and knows the average price is $300 so I should go somewhere else* okay
My 3yo said Cheese is her favorite place. I don’t know if I should be worried that she thinks cheese is a place or sad because it’s not.
Rude much 馃槀馃槀馃槀
![]()
Gonna turn my life around!
[10 min later]
Oh well, I tried.
I’m at a stage in life where I still want to be sexy but
WHY DO YOU KEEP WIPING YOUR BOOGERS ON MOMMY?!!
When someone tries to shush me by handing me a donut, I feel so conflicted.
I don’t like camping, if I wanted to sleep outside I wouldn’t pay my mortgage.
2020 became the year I purchased a printer and remembered that printers are the hardest problem in computer science.
Tried out a new set of long handled surgical forceps.
In lesser news, It turns out that I didn’t need that toenail after all.
Don’t ever call me sexist.
Sexism is wrong and being wrong is for women.
He wanted to role play, then got all mad when I acted like a prohibitionist and banned sex.
Kid: Have you seen the pine cone bird feeder I made?
Me: *picking seeds out from between my teeth* BIRD feeder?
I hate how Pinterest highlights that some moms make pancakes that look like animals when I can’t even make pancakes that look like pancakes.
[me on a first date] Neil Armstrong backwards is Gnorts Mr Alien