@jackiembouvier: Me: My anxiety is out of control.
Dr.: Have you tried cutting back on coffee?
Me: Are you even a real doctor?
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@weinerdog4life: Huge sale this weekend, we have too many mountain lions, please come buy a mountain lion, this was a horrible business plan, one guy got ate
@FrazzleMyGimp: [christmas] BROTHER: [unwraps giant foam hulk hands] Awesome! ME: [unwraps Mark Ruffalo hands] This sucks.
@internetluke: [trying to talk to girl] Ha so you from around here? "Ya" Cool me too. I love planet earth
@Thynebear: I am the all knowing oracle, you may ask me one question "How do you pronounce quinoa?" [it's just covered in sweat] um can u ask me another
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