Me: my wife says I never pay attention

Wife: I said alimony, but add attention to the list

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Leaving the group chat so I can focus on my responsibilities as a Shark Tank subbreddit moderator .


True love doesn’t care about the look or size of your wallet, it’s all about what is inside ….. the wallet.


This woman just stared at the beer in my cup holder, like she’s never seen a cup holder on a grocery cart before.


Behind every successful woman is a Man who let her down.


Girlfriend catches boyfriend cheating
Boyfriend: WOOOW!!! So you gon believe your eyes over me?


[at roller rink]

My fanny pack is filled with marbles in case I need to create a diversion.


If a guy spread rose petals all over my apartment, I would literally look at him and just be like:
“I’m not picking this up.”