@actioncookbook
SPOUSE: I have to work late Thursday
OUTER MONOLOGUE: I am going to miss you
INNER MONOLOGUE: I am going to eat something very stupid
@Geestargames
Me: *plays video games to avoid my problems*
Me in game: *puts off main quest to avoid my characters problems*
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@actioncookbook
@AnOrangeSNES
*Mom Godzilla calls Godzilla during the morning*
Mom Godzilla: Are you eating your cities? Belfast is the most important meal of the day.
@drinksmcgee
I’ve found the most Canadian coffee shop in all existence.
@caithuls
Easiest way to make friends? Craigslist
Hardest way? Hmm probably putting your chin on a stranger’s shoulder from behind them at an Arby’s
@JB4Realz
me *looking at burnt up nintendo cartridge*: what the hell happened?
roommate (a dragon): it was dirty…
@JasonLastname
End a boring conversation by opening an umbrella in their face
@o__0Dev
Until public restrooms have automatic doors, the automatic sinks, soap and paper towel dispenser will make no sense to me.
@NicestHippo
“Great speech! Have you thought about giving it from behind a wooden box for some reason?” – podium salesman
@JermHimselfish
My doctor had to put me on a new medication that’s supposed to help lower the amount of karate in my blood