DINNERTIME FOOD IDEAS FROM MY SON
“Can we put Nutella on our salmon and call it salmonella?”
This has been DINNERTIME FOOD IDEAS FROM MY SON
Me: *pooping with the door open*
Olive Garden Mgr: “I know what the slogan says ma’am, we aren’t THAT kind of family.”
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Wife: I think the washer went out
Me: What time will it be back?
Wife: Please get my suitcase
I hate that I can’t go anywhere for the holidays, unlike previous years where I hated having to go somewhere for the holidays.
Turns out if your grandmother dies more than 6 times in a year, HR will start to question your request for time off.
the human has started opening and shutting the garage door. pretending to have just gotten home. because they missed how excited that makes me
Me: *points to donut case*
Her: How many would you like, ma’am?
him: I loved Captain Marvel.
me: Me too!
him: What was your favorite part?
me: *sweating* The uhhh…marveling
Me: Alexa, will you be my Valentine?
Alexa, robotically: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
It’s the 13th anniversary of “Umbrella”. What a good excuse for…
Me [driving to Chipotle on a first date]: There’s this great little burrito place I discovered