using AI to expand this shot in Fast & Furious 6 and achieve the filmmakers true vision 😌🙏
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My dad likes to come to my office & tell the receptionist he’s my parole officer in case you were wondering how I turned out like this.
using AI to expand this shot in Fast & Furious 6 and achieve the filmmakers true vision 😌🙏
Wait unicorns aren’t real?
Are you saying that I made out with a regular horse?
Boss: Can I have a word with you?
Me: umbrella
I was going to wash my car in my driveway but then I realized I don’t own a halter top or cut-off shorts.
Dammit.
Prank your dog by loosening his collar a bit everyday and googling “shrinking dog syndrome” while he’s on your lap
I’m two weeks older than my boyfriend so my favorite thing to do is say “when I was your age…” and then just describe whatever I was doing two weeks ago
*hears dogs bark*
“I’ve been caught stealing
once when I was 5.”
Some people say I hang out with the wrong crowd. They’re always like “Hey man we’re over here you don’t even know those people.”
Pregnant women are full of ‘compressed heir’
I’ve found god.
It’s my turn to hide now.
Please don’t ride with me if you’re gonna grab the dash or scream every time I hit a curb.
You’ll make me nervous.
Cop: your under arrest
Me: you’re* under arrest
2nd Cop: [handcuffing 1st cop] sorry Ed, but he’s right
What I’ve learned in life is that there is a time and a place to be funny, what I haven’t learned is to distinguish those times.
5: Mom, look at me!
Me: I’m in the shower
5: Look at me!
Me: I can’t!
5: Because you’re in the shower?
Me: Yes!
5: Fine, but can you just look at me?!
[in a crowded elevator]
ME: *loudly* THE ELEVATOR WAS INVENTED BY DARTH’S LESSER KNOWN SISTER, ELE.
Hear me out:
Instead of The Bachelor giving out roses to the women, he gives them each a roll of toilet paper.
This is where we’re at, people.
Oh you love your mom’s cooking? Name 4 of her dishes.
DAD: i’m sorry but your mother and i would like you to stay away for awhile
ME: i understand. who knows what could happen with this virus
DAD: what virus
priest: [hangs up the phone after talking to his boss for over an hour]”okay, that took a lot of convincing but i managed to talk him round.. yes, you can marry a penguin”
me: “omg he’ll be so pleased”
priest: “wait, did you just say he?”
me: “yes”
priest: [picks up phone again]
if you like christmas so much why don’t you merry it
DOCTOR: I have bad news
MAN WHO WOKE UP FROM 5 YR COMA: I don’t mind as long as I get to see my favorite gorilla from the Cincinnati zoo
an attractive man on the internet called me pretty, so I sent him my finger nails in the mail. i’m so nervous lol what if he doesn’t reply??
My husband was telling a long, boring story and my 10 year old interrupted with, “Surprising. But you know what’s not surprising? How much money Matt saved by switching to Geico.”
Anyway, I’m in trouble for laughing too hard.
“Shrooms before brooms,” I say to the coven of stereotypical witches who have quite magically appeared in my living room.
My 6yo announced, “All I want is a mansion and a yacht. That’s not much. Just two things.”
JUST. TWO. THINGS.
Why does James Bond keep telling people his real name? Worst. Spy. Ever.
Are we not gonna talk about how Edward Scissorhands’ mom had sex with a cutlery drawer?
Buying little gold star stickers so when people I’m speaking with say things I like I’ll stick one on their forehead.
I would watch a reality show that’s nothing but goth kids trying not to smile while riding on a jet ski.