so ur trying to tell me a buffalo chicken made this dip
Me: *seeing a used condom on my lawn* This is disgusting!
Neighbor: OMG STOP TASTING IT
You Might Also Like
My wife must have some big surprise vacation planned.
She left a note by the bed telling me I had until tomorrow to have my bags packed.
Everyone secretly believes they could get out of quicksand.
Would you please take the ‘s’ off the word ‘legos’ and put it back on the word ‘math’ where it belongs.
CRUELLA DE VIL: you’re just giving away all of these coats for free?
SHELTER CLERK: yeah we call them rescues though
10 years ago parents were like “be careful what you put on the web” and we were all “lol. old people.” now none of us can ever be President.
Her: [Through tears] I’m gonna need your support today
Him: You got it babe [waves flag and presses air horn] WIFE! WIFE! WIFE!
wait wait WAIT!! Chicks are selling used panties on Craig’s List?! You’re telling me I don’t have to do the laundry AND I’m making money?!
I’ve been doing life all wrong.
Dad: Maybe we should do it
Mom: You know it’s I-N-A-P-P-R-O-P-R-I-A-T-E to talk about it in front of the kids
6: What’s inappropriate Mom?
Things Women Over 30 Should Never Wear
1. exploding glove
2. ham sandwich
3. flaming fireplace
4. Dead bird helmet
6. shark eggs