@SeanINCypress: Movies taught me that if your kid is talking to ghosts, alone in their room, leave that brat in there, and run while you're still alive.

@theshantilly: 10’s teacher: Your son has excellent grades Me: Cool Teacher: And a very sarcastic sense of humor Me: *tears up* I couldn’t be more proud

@JesKeepSwimming: Sorry I can't make it to lunch today. I forgot to shorten "people" to ppl in a text this morning and now I'm totally behind schedule.

@HelloCullen: I would request a bunch of Ambien as my last meal so I would look hardcore as hell by falling asleep at my own execution

@pragmatistic: Cop behind me just turned. Best unfollow ever.