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@Torgo_phylum: Me: Tonight we dine like kings!
Me: Like burger kings!
@kelkulus: I lost my balance on an escalator and fell down the stairs for 2 hours.
@truegritrumble: KID: I drew you a picture!
ME: What's this?
KID: Our house.
ME: What's the orange stuff?
ME: Why's the house on fire?
KID: I want a PS4.
Hello ladies, and welcome to Body By Jake!
Me: "Jake?" *i discreetly shove the cake I brought into my bag & back out of the room*
@JamieGreenlees: I'm single by choice. Just not my choice.
@KentWGraham: I’m forgetful. My wife is rememberful.