“We feel that you just aren’t quite mature enough for the position.”
It’s the Velcro shoes, isn’t it.
Me: [totally dry monotone voice] I’m gonna get my mojo back
Mojo: still no
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I can’t take anymore of this 50 Shades of Grey promo. It’s still your basic Cinderella story. Now she just has a ball gag.
I just binge watched the first five episodes of Unscrupulent last night and it’s easily the best show I’ve ever made up in my mind.
Drunk me would really appreciate a light switch on the floor.
I may or may not have a joke about Schrodinger’s cat.
Pasta is very hard to eat when you’re a dog. I know this now.
“His house was clearly on fire but he thought he had time to hit the snooze button just once.”
I met my wife while on holiday. Which was awkward, as I’d told her I was going to a funeral.
Me: When the edibles kick in
Everyone: You forgot to attach a picture or a gif