Me: Turn right on Johnson Street.
Her: I don’t know the street names, just give me landmarks.
Me: Ok turn right at the sign that says Johnson Street.

You Might Also Like


Snakes can’t win. They use the sidewalk and everyone screams, they stick to the grass and they’re playing into hurtful stereotypes.


Lambs: “BAAAAAAAAA!!!”

Hannibal Lecter: “Shhhhhh!”

Lambs: “Baaaa!”

Hannibal Lecter: “Shhhh…”

Lambs: “…”

Hannibal Lecter: “Much better.”


Blocked a someone with “Social Media Specialist | Online Reputation Manager” in their bio just to mess with their head. And it’s douchy.


Just used the phrase “my good coat hanger”, if you’re wondering if I have a Swiss Bank Account.


Biden: Oh boy, his car is here, quick let’s all hide
Obama: Joe pls


I will not tolerate watching the neighbourhood kids bully my nephew.

So I keep the curtains closed.


I have a solar eclipse every two minutes inside my living room ever since my toddler learned how to open & close the blinds.


Yes, Neil, everything sounds better when you have a great voice. That’s how sound works.


Doctor: Is there a chance you might be pregnant?

Me: If I am, I’ll be giving birth to some batteries.