All firemen must dread the moment when they’re done for the day and have to find the strength to climb back up the pole.
Me: [walks up to boss] *SLAP*
Me: It’s Natl Bully Month
Boss: No, it’s Natl Bully PREVENTION Month!
Me: well this is awkward
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That crazy moment when you smell roast pork, but realize your heated car seat is set too high.
“My pleasure, doll”
“My pleasure doll”
Commas can make a world of difference…
Girlfriend: “Does this dress make me look fat?”
Me: “Stop blaming the dresses.
I just put a bra on for the first time in a week and nearly dislocated my shoulder.
Ok class, what was Abraham Lincoln most famous for doing? Billy?
I’ve always wanted to buy 2 coffees, take them to a crime scene & while handing 1 to the officer in charge ask, “So, what do we have here?”
Congratulations to Janet Jackson for having a baby at age 50! When I was 50, I wasn’t even strong enough to push a child out of my way.
Prince Charming: I will awaken her with love’s sweet ki–
Sleeping Beauty: five more minutes
The family dog always likes one person best in the family and if you don’t agree then it’s not you.