ME: What would you like to name your new cat?
KID: Dog.
ME: But it’s a cat.
KID: That’s the cat’s problem.

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Arsenal did the mannequin challenge for 89minutes at Old Trafford and still drew.😂


Never look at the guy riding a unicycle, you’re giving him what he wants


[hours after first date]

HER: *on phone* yeah i went on the date but he was creepy.

*i’m just sitting outside her bedroom window in shock*


Clown: OMG! I just crashed my car!

Clown 911: We are dispatching 20 ambulances to your location


My neighbors are drunk & climbing up the balcony. Or possibly being robbed. Whatever.


I’m just a mom, standing in front of my husband, trying to say something that I can no longer remember cause my kid interrupted us 75 times.


I’m scared some kid is going to break into my house and fleek me to death with a bae


wife: don’t let the kids see you drinking directly from the bottle

me: *putting down the ketchup* ok