Arsenal did the mannequin challenge for 89minutes at Old Trafford and still drew.😂
ME: What would you like to name your new cat?
ME: But it’s a cat.
KID: That’s the cat’s problem.
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Never look at the guy riding a unicycle, you’re giving him what he wants
[hours after first date]
HER: *on phone* yeah i went on the date but he was creepy.
*i’m just sitting outside her bedroom window in shock*
this is why i’m friendless
Clown: OMG! I just crashed my car!
Clown 911: We are dispatching 20 ambulances to your location
23. the denim jacket
My neighbors are drunk & climbing up the balcony. Or possibly being robbed. Whatever.
I’m just a mom, standing in front of my husband, trying to say something that I can no longer remember cause my kid interrupted us 75 times.
I’m scared some kid is going to break into my house and fleek me to death with a bae
wife: don’t let the kids see you drinking directly from the bottle
me: *putting down the ketchup* ok