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@Smug_Lemur: Me: You should really try this lip gloss
Her: this is super glue
Me: HEAR ME OUT
@Sparticus_af: waiter: *whispers* sir your card was declined
me: yeah *whispers* i don’t have any money
@KentWGraham: After lengthy reflection, I’ve concluded that having kids wasn’t worth the seven times my son took out the garbage for me.
@Hobo_Splendido: My position on marijuana is slumped in a beanbag chair.
@Darlainky: I'm never more irritated by fashion than when I'm trying to stuff something in a fake pocket!
@RedheadChaos: New guy: I really like your name
Me: Thanks I got it for my birthday