@newLettuce

Me: You think you’re soooo cool, wearing shades indoors

My lamps:

You Might Also Like

@jlock17

Remember when all bombs looked like a black bowling ball with a giant wick in the top? Yep, simpler times.

@Cpin42

Crucifixion art is so depressing. Every time I look at Jesus, I can’t help thinking…I’ll never have abs like that.

@Sanbel11

-Come on, it’s time to go

-No

-We are going to be late

-I hate school

-But Mum, you have to take me!

@crocodilethumbs

Jesus: Time for a miracle!

Puritan: Anyone who goes in water and floats is a witch

Jesus:

Puritan:

Jesus: who likes fish

@DickScurvy

Sorry for releasing thousands of shrieking bats at your wedding. Sometimes I don’t know what to do with my hands.

@AimeeHelene1

I hate when I go to Subway and they barely put any toppings on.

When I take a bite, I want it to look like I went head to head with a garden, and won.

@notacroc

DOCTOR: congratulations, it’s a boy! *holds up baby tricycle*
BICYCLE DAD: what the hell?
BICYCLE MOM: *crying*

@AudreyPorne

physically I’m in this realm but spiritually I’m running through halls in a silk robe wondering where to hide my rich dead husband

@PoliUncorrect

* Pogoing Outside Your Window

~ Are… You… Sure… You… Don’t… Want…. A… Second… Date?