Most of being a parent means saying “Great!!” when your kid insists you watch him perform an unidentifiable skill.
Meanwhile India is just blown away that you can get Britain to leave by voting
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This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I’d never met herbivore.
Don’t judge me because I like 80’s music. Judge me because I had a late term abortion because a baby would ruin my holiday plans.
Bon Jovi must be at least 3/4 of the way there by now.
Trying to not lose my SHIT as someone in the office kitchen continues to call Thomas the Tank Engine “Thomas the Train”
A picture’s worth 1,000 words, which explains why Twitter only shows 14 percent of the images I post.
My favorite sport is jumping into conclusions
New theory: It’s Raining Men and Let The Bodies Hit The Floor are both accounts of the same event but from wildly different perspectives.
“Children can be very cruel,” I reassure my 6 year-old. “But sometimes it seems like you aren’t even trying.”
We only cook with fresh, local ingredients so tonight we’re grilling our neighbor’s cat.