Every time the media has to report on Trump they should misspell his name and call him Mr. Turnip until he loses his mind completely
Melania Trump says her husband is “not Hitler.” That’s true. Hitler had a mustache and adult-sized hands.
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Here, let me loosen those morals for you.
we got a new neighbour and I thought it was taking him weeks to move in but turns out he works for u-haul
-Deer crossing the road
If you’ve never baked pot brownies in an Easy Bake Oven… then you’ve never wrote an apology letter to your sister with an Etch A Sketch.
I watched Mad Max and now I’m riding my dog around my living room using two bananas as guns
If I die in my sleep, my only request is that you fold me up in my futon and sell it on Craigslist
I forgot my work ethic at home today, but I did remember to bring my shenanigans and debauchery.
my gf left me bc i’m paranoid
nvm she’s back, she went pee