@lilgapeach30

Men. Can’t live with ’em…can’t finish this joke unless I wanna be single the rest of my life.

Men. Can’t live with ’em…can’t finish this joke unless I wanna be single the rest of my life.

- @lilgapeach30

You Might Also Like

@carlyme23

If you want her – tell her.
If you need her – show her.
If you yearn for her – touch her.

Just make sure her husband’s not at home.

@Brampersandon_

[White House]
Any ideas on how to defeat ISIS?
*Biden excitedly raises hand*
Besides assembling the Avengers.
*Biden dejectedly lowers hand*

@ShoutingGoddess

One day we’ll open Twitter & it’ll just say:

Thanks for playing! Hope you enjoyed this social experiment. Now apologise to your loved ones.

@o__0Dev

Not sure if I want buns of steel, or buns of cinnamon.

@ShortSleeveSuit

DMV CLERK: go to the end of the line it’s gonna be a while

WAITER: excellent

@notalogin

Me: I saved my friend from drowning
Wife: How? You can’t even swim
Me: I shot him

@Book_Krazy

TEACHER: Its report card day Timmy
TIMMY: I’m scared to look.
TEACHER: Don’t worry. It’s all B’s lol
*opens it & gets engulfed by bees*

@bingowings14

Drinking ink won’t kill you, you’ll just dye a little inside.