MEN: we’re gonna stop flirting at work and giving unasked-for hugs
WOMEN: great
MEN: wait, no, you don’t understand, those were threats

You Might Also Like


Family: Why would you get tattoos? They’re expensive and painful to get and they are PERMANENT!

Also family: Have a baby 🙂


Pizza: *comes out of oven at 450 degrees*

My brain: I bet this time I can immediately put some in my mouth without any repercussions


Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know which one of your friends your ex is going to sleep with next


Alanis Morissette sings about having 10,000 spoons when all she needs is a knife. And nobody asks why she has 10,000 spoons?


Husband and I just heard a noise. Neither of us feels like investigating so we just said See ya on the other side.


Him: Your body is like poetry
Me: That’s so nice!
H: A haiku
H: Little on the top, big in the middle, little on the bottom
M: Just stop


Me: Excuse me waiter, my fish is ice cold

Waiter [who is a penguin]: *eats the fish*


A lot of people don’t realize that Donald Glover and Childish Gambino are actually Hannah Montana