@ADDiane

Merry Christmas

You Might Also Like

@Cravin4

I’m so broke identity thieves sent a fruit basket with a note.
“Sorry about the ID theft. Please tell your creditors to stop calling us.”

@Kids_kubed

(Son walks in on us.I make it under the covers.Hubs doesn’t)

9: (Half asleep) Dad why are you naked?

Him: Um..uh…I’m just setting my alarm

9: Oh. Okay. G’night. (Walks out)

Me: Really?! You know that a few years from now, he’s going to strip naked to set his alarm, right?

@Carbosly

I turned on my computer and it went “Word” and I was like “Yo”.

@DrakeGatsby

Hospital Administrator: And how will you be paying?

Me: *Has no insurance* Dearly.

@proEXgirlfriend

Telling people to ban same sex marriage cuz of your religion is like telling the supermarket to stop selling junk food cuz you’re on a diet.

@realdealbiehl

Turns out 6 foot penguins don’t exist, in related news, I might have just ran over a nun.

@mishakey

How come when my kid wants to show me something, she has to place it directly inside my cornea?

@daemonic3

Joined our neighborhood watch program. There’s 30 of us though so I only get to wear it like 1 day a month. 🙁

@mommy_cusses

Being a mom means saying things that shouldn’t be threatening in a very threatening manner. Like, “EAT YOUR CEREAL!” for example.