Celebrity Parent: You guys were named after awards I won.
Emmy: That’s cool.
Oscar: Wow, interesting.
Sag: You know, you did win a Tony…
Mike Trout turns 26 today. If he keeps up this pace, he’ll be 30 in four years
You Might Also Like
Another previously unknown dinosaur was the Thesaurus who used flowery language to confuse and disorient predators while he made his escape
the goat of all dad jokes
Wife: What is twitter?
Me: Hold on a sec, I gotta go to the bathroom. *flushes iphone down toilet*
*dipping a pine cone in my coffee* Gosh I just love fall
My new boyfriend and I have an interesting dynamic, like the peanut vendor at a crowded circus who doesn’t see the woman frantically waving a dollar bill, he still doesn’t seem to understand that we are dating.
Don’t blame me for acting like a baby, I was born that way.
Just saw a car with “Just Married” on the back window. Do people still do that? Get married, I mean..
Is your GPS supposed to sigh before it says “Recalculating”?
*washes your smart car with a moist towelette*