If she’s “one-in-million” there’s 1,344 of her in China.
“Millennials are so entitled!”
Aye well I don’t see 20-somethings screaming for the manager because their coupon expired a month ago, Janet
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WHY IS USHER ALWAYS SAYING HIS NAME IN HIS SONGS, IS HE A POKEMON?
Remember before Amazon reviews when you could just buy a toothbrush without 6 hours of research?
6 year old wouldn’t drink out of my cup because she doesn’t want my “DNA”. Should I tell her?
Me: Sorry I called out the wrong name just now
Woman: Okay but still, what the hell
Bloody Mary: Oh gross, am I in a ceiling mirror
YANKEE DOODLE: *sticks feather in his cap* This is called macaroni
YANKEE DOODLE’S FRIEND: Ok, cool. Listen man, everybody’s worried about u
mother-in-law (on FB): I’m tired of everyone being so condesending
*wife tackles me before I can write “you spelled ‘condescending’ wrong”*
how are we gonna sell our car this year? how about a commercial where the car is driving around on roads. great work everyone time for lunch
*dumps more fleas on my head*
*sits back down in front of chimpanzee*
So, anyway, like I was saying…
Hagrid: you’re a gizzard Harry
Harry: i’m a what
Hagrid: a blizzard
Harry: a what
Hagrid: a scissors
Hagrid [in tears, trying so hard]: a squidward