I NEVER RELATED TO ANYTHING MORE IN MY LIFE
Million Dollar Idea ~ A bathroom mirror that takes pictures.
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game of thrones is such a cool show. they should make a book out of it. [props a stick under a box to capture all the nerds that respond]
5 SECONDS AGO!
What do we want?
TIME TRAVEL JOKES!
When do we want them?
Husband praying mantis: I have a headache
Just so u know guys I literally covered my roommates bed in 324 pieces of cornbread 2 make it a “cornbed” so ur fakes puns mean nothing 2 me
Me: this horror movie is completely unrealistic.
Me: the main characters are so stupid look at them walking into an obvious trap.
Wife: shut up and watch
Me: bet she’s a witch and he was under a spell the whole ti-
Wife: ffs it’s our wedding video!
“I really should buckle down and get my rap album going”
-Me, every time I drink
I’ve always taught my children that no matter what race or religion, all good looking people deserve respect.
The masseuse asked if I wanted her to finish me, I said yes & then she ripped my spine out & said “Flawless Victory!”
I’ve accepted that I’ll never know how that M+ button on a calculator works.