Amazon Review: A History of Criminals
Not a bad book. Prose and cons.
Moaning Myrtle haunting the bathroom but it’s just me after eating Taco Bell.
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On a bad dinner date? Bump the table with your knee to make the water in your glass ripple. Claim a T-Rex is coming. Sprint out the door.
In Jurassic Park, the scene where the raptor opens the door to the kitchen and stalks the kids, Spielberg had originally wanted to have the dinosaur bake a tray of Macarons as a display of its intelligence, but writer Michael Crichton insisted that it would be “too much”.
Hey u should give your secret boss this Coke. *bottle says “Share a Coke w/ the Drug Maker Guy”* *undercover cop’s fake mustache falls off*
[watches eyebrow graduate]
[cries at eyebrow’s wedding]
23rd Century Scientist: We’re sending you to 1889 to kill baby Hitler. Four words: Stick. To. The. Mission.
Henry Ford: Yes, sir.
Haha I love my wife. I just told her to calm down and now she’s in the backyard digging a 6 feet long hole to calm herself down. What a woman!
You can tell a lot by the way a woman walks. Like if she walks away, she’s probably not into you.
“What are you doing?”
“Writing a fictional conversation so I can post it on Twitter.”
Her: OMG my dad keeps texting me he’s so annoying
Me: [hoping to impress her] yeah he’s a piece of shit