@jctwritesstuff

Moaning Myrtle haunting the bathroom but it’s just me after eating Taco Bell.

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@WilliamAder

If the final episode of Game of Thrones doesn’t feature a group hug with everyone singing “Kumbaya,” then I don’t know what I’m talking about.

@Rockenden

To the first designer to make skirts so tight that a slit had to be added to the back: Good job.

Flip flop guy: Go stand in the corner.

@Mom_Overboard

What happens when Christopher’s car breaks down?

Christopher Walken

@WilliamAder

Her: You’re really rockin’ those white pants.

Me: These are my legs.

@momjeansplease

Me: Oh this is a cute selfie!
Brain: Look again
Me: No, you’re right I’m a monster
Brain: As you were
Me: Yes ma’am

@gregreckons

Her: How do you like your eggs?

Me: Wrapped in foil by Cadbury.

@TweetPotato314

It’s my son’s birthday this week; so we’ve been doing whatever he wants since he was born.

@RorynotRoy

It’s annoying how mirrors are always all like, “Hey, c’mere. I wanna show you something gross about you.”

@dubsteppenwolf

every time someone says “don’t give homeless people money, they’ll spend it on drugs” it’s like… so will I though??

@fujichia

– much ado about nothing
– 2 much 2 nothing
– much ado 3: toyko drift
– much nothing
– much 5
– much ado 6
– nothing 7