@SirEviscerate: *standing next to a wheelbarrow full of BBQ sauce* Look, no one is arguing that the zoo fire isn't a horrible tragedy.

@iRowlf: All the single ladies. All the single ladies. All the single ladies. Now put your hands up! Lol. But seriously, ladies. This is a robbery.

@BakedBrotatoes: [Job Interview] *okay, he can't find out I'm a wolf* *fixes tie* *checks breath* IS THAT A PICTURE OF YOUR BABY SHE LOOKS DELICIOUS

@iLikeCatShirts: Seriously how ugly was Little Red Riding Hood's grandma?

@ItsDanSheehan: You guys, Christ is rising again soon and to make him feel extra welcome, we've put up paintings of each stage of his murder