@Gusbuckets: moms in horror movies
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@XplodingUnicorn: I told my 3-year-old the beans in her taco were chocolate jelly beans and she took 3 whole bites before she decided to never trust me again.
@NewDadNotes: Daughter: are ghosts real? Me: no. Daughter: grandma told me ghosts are real. Me: honey, grandma passed away before you were bor-wait.
@KalvinMacleod: [at job interview] It says here that you are very hands on. Yes, sir, I am. Can you give me an example of this? *gently caresses his face*