@QwertyJones3

Moose: Sorry, I need to quit this yoga class.

Yoga Instructor: NahMooseStay!

You Might Also Like

@PinkCamoTO

“A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step” but so does the one from the living room to the kitchen for snacks and it’s a lot less tiring.

@dorsalstream

ME: Oh, Sky Butler, help me in my hour of need.

GOD: I told you to stop calling me that.

ME: Okay, but I can’t find my keys.

@alexlumaga

Heard covid makes everything taste like lacroix. I am now wearing seven masks

@daemonic3

[superfriends lunch]

BATMAN: There’s an underwater nuclear threat

SUPERMAN: Aquaman, go!

AQUAMAN: [stares at watch] Gotta wait 30 minutes

@NoogsCorner

Do I look like Christopher Columbus? Am I guiding a ship to a new land? So, when I ask for directions, please don’t use words like “East.”

@mrsmith196645

911: What is your emergency.
M: I need to report a home invasion. This woman looks like my mother in law but she’s smiling. Please hurry.

@Jandalize

Sometimes it’s hard to nap at work. Like, when the boss is standing beside you or when you don’t have a job.