@TeachersHot

Morning wood makes the best fire.

You Might Also Like

@Scottzilla667

I ran out of sterile gloves, so I’m just wearing boxing gloves when I go out.

@Shanehasabeard

Sure, I miss grandma. But she’s up there protecting us.

*looks up to the sky where my grandma is in a jet fighting aliens*

@serialmatrix

If god can artificially inseminate someone, why did he need two of every animal on the ark to repopulate the world?

@KeetPotato

[tv commercial]
me: “know what i’d love for breakfast?”
mum: “what’s that son?”
me: “if someone pre-chewed my food”
narrator: “porridge”

@laurajennyjo

“I forgot my phone, so what do u want to talk about?”

*knocks on stall wall* “Hello? Can u hear me?”

“I like your shoes…Hello?”
..

@markedly

Finally thought of a retort to my bro’s friend who kicked me from his car in 1998
I don’t need your Camero anyway Ricky MY LIFE is a joyride

@_LUMP

People in Arab nations are still wondering what all the western world hub bub about hump day and camel toe is about.

@AntozWolf

I would have loved to have been there when Mary and Joseph tried to explain to Jesus where babies come from.