@ArfMeasures

MURDERER *panicking as he’s stabbing an acupuncturist* you’re just getting stronger

You Might Also Like

@omgthatspunny

I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn’t find any.

@cellapaz

I accidentally hit my sister over the head with a frying pan when we were kids. To this day, she doesn’t believe it was an accident. Also to this day, I think it was hilarious.

@jergarl

I’ve never actually finished the song “Rock Your Body” by Justin Timberlake because I’m afraid I’ll be naked by the end.

@BigJDubz

Hey, John Wick, I heard the coronavirus saying bad things about your dog

@dumbbeezie

I just saw a woman outside sitting alone on a bench and staring at nothing and it made me so sad. I wonder what happened to her phone?

@Matt_The_1st

“Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven?“

Lucifer: Are you hitting on me?

@mean_spice

[bedroom]
Me getting out whipped cream: I’ve been waiting for this
Gf: kinky, I like it
Me already eating pie: what

@jasonroeder

I don’t think my neighbor knows my rule about not interacting unless we’re both pointing at the same tornado.