*goes to fabric store*
Do you guys have boyfriend material?
My 10 year old: “If nothing is faster than the speed of light, how did the darkness get there first.”
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If by “crunches” you mean the sound potato chips make when you chew them, then yes, I do crunches.
“I set all the cattle free.”
– Reverse Cowgirl
Fully clothed mom just waded into the pool to grab her devil spawn child that was ignoring her. She’s my new favorite.
BREAKING: Popeye Expresses Outrage as Pope Goes to Mount Olive
[my first day on the international space station]
*grinds pepper over food*
HOT SINGLES IN YOUR AREA VALUE YOUR FRIENDSHIP TOO MUCH TO RUIN IT WITH SEX. SURE, YOU’RE ATTRACTIVE, THEY JUST DON’T SEE YOU IN THAT WAY
Men are from Mars. Women are from Venus. Gays are definitely from Saturn. You know the only planet chic enough to accessorize with a belt.
Apparently, this is how the world ends.